I got laid off last week. The reason given was the economy, I hate this economy. I was pissed, to say the least. The whole reason I wanted to go private on this blog was so I could rip my former boss up one side and down the other without it being used against me. Making Memories likes to do that. They like to use things people write on their blogs as ammunition to fight unemployment, etc. So I had a post all written up and ready to go. There were some choice words used and lots of anger. However as the week went on, I decided it wasn't worth it. My former boss knows how two faced she is. She knows that she and the other people in "upper management" have made a really despicable move by firing me when I am basically unemployable (due to the pregnancy). And really, she would never read this. Other people would, maybe still will and would tell her. And me spewing my anger on my blog doesn't change the situation. It doesn't put food in my daughter's mouth or pay my mortgage. Ok, so there might be some residual anger, mostly toward my former boss, the totally innocent bystander that hasn't said one bad thing about me since I left... right.
Moving on...
As the week went on and the tears stopped flowing so easily, I started to realize that this situation, as terrible as it feels right now, is probably an answer to our prayers. We have been praying since Gwen was born that we would find a way for me to stay home and take care of her. Well, guess what I've been doing this week, staying home to take care of my daughter. The Lord knew the only way I was ever going to stop working was if Brett was making significantly more money than he is now, so He took things into His own hands, like He likes to do, and pulled the job out from under me. That sounds like I'm mad at Him about this, I'm not, it's just a fact. This was the only way I ever would have stopped working. Ever.
This week Brett and I have struggled with a lot of questions. How are we going to pay our bills has been a BIG question, but more importantly we've been asking ourselves, 'What's more important?' Is it more important to have me stay home and take care of our kids (and be dirt poor, DIRT POOR), or is it more important for me to work, so our family can have nicer things, a bigger house, vacations, food, etc. Our faith teaches us that the first is more important, I understand that, but I didn't know that I didn't really believe it, until now, I think. Nothing has been decided, I am still looking for jobs, praying for freelance, (since who the freak will hire me right now), freaking out every few hours and wishing that my prayers had been a little more specific. Lesson learned there!
All in all, this experience has taught me to have more faith in the Lord. He knows what our hearts desire, He knows what we need and what we can handle and He will never give us more than that (even though it might seem like it). I've also come to realize how generous and kind people can be, even when they are not in great situations themselves. This week I've had the urge many times to hoard things. Thinking, 'I can't give that away, I NEED it!' But I also need to remember to serve people. You know like that scripture says, "When you are in the service of other people ye are in the service of the Lord" That's not totally right, and Brett's asleep so I can't ask him, but you get the point. Maybe I should say, I get the point!
So, we're on to bigger and better things. Not sure what that means, but we'll figure it out. There's still tears of anger, hurt, frustration, and fear, but I know we'll be ok. Now my problem is trying to figure out how to be a stay at home mom without killing my little girl. Anyone have any suggestions for that little problem. And what the freak do I do all day? And don't say clean, my mom has already given me that little talk.
